Sunday, 6 March 2011

Reviewing the Situation #1

Uninterested Store Assistants

Ah, the wonders of modern day shopping. A good many stores are content to leave you to browse at your own pace, with no fear of being approached by some cad harbouring more devious intent than merely “guiding you to the right purchase.” This I find to be generally pleasing. Breezing through stores without these fiends snapping at you, is much calmer. As great as this may be, it can often be indicative of a poor sales plan in that particular store. Either the store is cheap, and does big business this way, or is more expensive and provides a shopping experience replete with pushy sales staff. It balances out I guess.

Being in one of these cheaper stores to purchase goods, often means you will be greeted by one of the most uninterested persons you will ever have met. Generally speaking, this will be a young employee, no older than 25 at best, dressed immaculately in whatever the store may be selling that season. Chewing hours old gum, and with a fringe masking their eyes, they make no attempt to greet your entrance into their domain.

As you present to them your garments and various accessories, they will no doubt reluctantly offer a small token pleasantry if you're lucky, or merely snatch the offending items across the counter top and begin the process of removing hangers, security tags and all manner of accoutrements before your very eyes.

This entire show takes place across a vast sea of counter top, designed entirely to put as much distance between you, the filthy, unwashed masses, and the groomed, pristine glamour of the sales assistant. Their dead stare fixed at nothing but the ground, as you make nothing but eye contact with them, in the hope some flicker of life may cross your vision, some sign of humanity alive in that partially animated corpse.

If you have ever worked in a store that goes through lulls where it isn't busy, and when the hours just seem to drag on, you may feel some affinity with these sad creatures. It isn't a fun job, the hours are long, the pay is largely miserable. But when a bright spark of life does meet your gaze, the warmth is immense. You feel worthy. “Hey there,” they may say, acknowledging you exist, as you stand before them. This mighty spot, that may as well be marked with an “X” and spotlit from the rafters, is suddenly filled with open air, a cool breeze and a wash of sunlight as the haze of expected indifference clears.

Despite this, I award disinterested sales assistants...

Boring out of 10

Maybe you have had experiences with poor sales staff?

Next week, I will be reviewing sneezing.


Reviewing the Situation is a weekly critique of various things a person may find to be interesting, appealing, unappealing, exciting, humorous and generally peculiar to be reading about. There will no doubt be reviews about topics and subjects that are more abstract than you may usually find, like casting a critical eye over books, films and music. Examples include, but are not limited to, such things as the midday rain, swimming in cold water, people shouting in public, polar bears and vending machines.


  1. I don't do a whole lot of shopping, and when I do its usually at the local Gamestop or HotTopic and then have really friendly staff here. But there are times I go elsewhere and get the dull lifeless employees that makes the whole shopping thing feel odd.

  2. hahaha.
    this is hilarious, and depressing,
    great write though

  3. That was awesome, I caught myself laughing more than once. I cant wait for your "review" on sneezes, whatever that means.

  4. good writing :') really funny :p

  5. That was a surprisingly good read, you should do more stuff like this.

  6. Oh gosh, it's so true.... I love how you can make everyday mediocrity so freakin' hilarious!

  7. Great writing man, really keeps me interested haha

  8. Haha I used to hate sales staff until I learnt what it's like to work as one, then I understood where the depression comes from.

  9. Sales staff SHOULD be bored. It's stultifying work; that's the appropriate response. If they're chipper, they're either conning you or careening towards a mental breakdown.

  10. I used to be apart of salesstaff that were PUSHY AS ALL HELL. And I HATED it, I tried my hardest to not be like that but whenever I worked with my manager he would force me to be this overly pushy salesman >:l

  11. that was good. looking forward for sneezing review

  12. I worked at target for about 9 months and I understand why the employees are uninterested. The pay is shitty, the treatment by managers sucks, and it's really a lousy work environment in general.

  13. You know, I know EXACTLY what you mean by this. Every word of it. This is almost everywhere too. It's rare when you see the opposite.


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